(from a letter to Stephen)

No money. Smile.
I love it here!!

I have a grade for my Analytic Class that I took with Burke. Go me!

In case someone wants to send me real mail or talk to me.

phone number: I have no idea what the country code is... look it up. (0)78394830
address: c/o Brent and Inell Slater, PO Box 2307, Kampala, Uganda

I am sitting in a mall. A real mall. Yep, I am in Kampala. This happens to be the only mall in the country and I promise it wasn't the first place that I was interested in visiting. But it has an internet cafe.

I have tons to write and I wish I could spend half the day here telling you all the thoughts and expiriences I have had these last few days. It has been packed full of good stories. But I only have ten minutes to make a post, so I won't be spell checking this one, don't give me greif about it. I am headed to a prayer meeting so I will just just leave you with a list of firsts.

1) The smell when I stepped off the plane... the wood fires. Even the food tastes slightly smoked because the smell of wood lingers everywhere.
2) Taste of fresh papaya.
3) Meeting with my roommate. The Gecko on my bedroom wall.
4) Power outage. Standing in pitch black while Inell felt around me to find the generator button.
5) Long horned cattle that roam about and cross the streets at will.
6) The cold shower that I actually needed because I was swetty.
7) Okay, its not a first but... the Second power outage in one day. Everyone was in bed and I was writing in my journal. I ended up writing by candel light for a few minutes until the lights kicked on again.
8) Misquito. First and only one that I have seen so far. in the sugar bowl during a Bible study at the Slater's house.
9) First look at breakfast from the toilet bowl. I took Doxy, the malaria meds, to long after eating and ended up staring at minced papaya in the toilet.
10) Bible Study - 1 Thes. 5:16-18
11) Successful balancing act. I managed a cup of coffee while riding in the back of the car through the pot holes, over the make shift speed bumps, and down the hill.
12) Brushing my teeth with tap water on accident.
13) Ugandan Tea. Milky with cinimon and ginger.
14) Using a key board that isn't english on a computer that is still loaded to recognize an american keyboard. So the letters and numbers and symbols that are on the board don't line up with what comes up on the screen.
15) First time I thought of Stephen... when I smelled the wood smoke and I knew I was in your Africa.

I leave for Uganda in 24 hours. Flight BA63 from London to Entebbe. Lets hope no one gets cheeky and tells someone there is a bomb on board, like the British girl did in Florida.

On Waiting ...
~And Jesus answered and said to her, 'Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things. But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her.'~

Where are the Master's feet?

Random Toughts at the End of Reading Monsignor Quixote: It makes sense that these characters are Catholic. When your Catholic you can perform actions that are meritorious, or at least potentially of some value, so your doubts don't carry the same weight that they do when you are evangelical. Barth won't admit doubts as a legitimate part of faith. He says that faith is concerned with a decision once for all, and if you have doubts don't take then too seriously. Evangelicals can't suffer doubts, they aren’t allowed, they aren't part of human life. You have to feel a certain way that won't admit doubt. This is probably why it’s the catholic and orthodox who you generally find talking about doubt in any kind of legitimating way.
Sancho rightly observes that doubt makes action difficult but if part of faith is action then a man might act in faith from hope and at least a small level of trust. But if you are evangelical there are no acts of faith, you have to get your mind and heart under control. So any doubts are to be run from, hidden even from yourself, and de-legitimized as attacks of the devil. (The big bad devil.) Well maybe that is better. Better to come to the end of Christianity then to continue walking in a half-belief deceiving yourself, maintaining the faith through acts of trust.
And does it matter what acts one does? A good evangelical would say what matters is the hearts willingness. The faith, love and trust in God. Well, they might be right. The Psalms say the Lord does not despise those with humble and contrite hearts.

OXFORD IN THE WORKS
I visited Yarton Manor on Friday, the home of the Jewish Studies Program in Oxford. I went there and dropped off my application. FINNALLY!! The grounds are beautiful even in winter and the accommodations are pristine, very comfortable, and spacious. The rooms are singles but they are as large as a Niedfelt dorm room. Four people share a kitchen space and a shower. Not bad. There are menorahs on every bedroom door post and pictures of the Holy Land in the halls. There are only 13 students currently but they are willing to take up to 25. There are 10 tutors as well as some visiting scholars spending their sabbaticals at Yarton Manor for research. The good new is that my application is not too late and the lady who showed me the grounds was pleasant and encouraging. The library seemed a bit small but maybe that was because a large section was taken up with Hebrew texts. The Manor is about a 10 min drive from the city center, a bit further then I had hopped but it’s peaceful. It’s a good place for hours of solitude and study. I don't really want to go there alone. There is married housing… but I'm getting ahead of myself and dreaming. Oh well. :)

The Sobs of one who is Broken

Okay, I found it, the foundation of all my faith: The assurance that God loves me. What can I do when that is questioned? There is nothing left but duty and trust. “Be it unto me according to Thy word.” Its either that or I chuck Him out. "What profit is there is my blood, When I go down to the pit? Will the dust praise you? Will it declare Your truth?"

But the morning comes…

"Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning."

And I hear: "The Lord looks down from heaven; He sees all the sons of men... He fashions their hearts individually; He considers all their works... Behold, the eye of the Lord is on those who hear Him, On those who hope in His mercy, To deliver their soul from death, and to keep them alive in famine. Or soul waits for the Lord; He is our help and our shield. For our heart shall rejoice in Him, Because we have trusted in His holy Name. Let your mercy, Oh Lord, be upon us, just as we hope in you." Ps. 30 and 33.

And I go on.

Since I promised Valerie that I would post today you all get to here my obnoxious ramblings. I am sorry for neglecting you all for such a long time. I won't make excuses, we will just leave it at that.

So... I am going to back up and give you all an account of my passing life since Christmas time.

Back in December, which feels like an age ago and in a different world, I left Hillsdale after taking two days to dispense with everything I had accumulated in four and a half years, except of course my books and the few other things I call essential. I took everything else to the consignment shop there in town. I hope I will make a couple of bucks off it but I am not very hopeful since I had never seen or heard of the place before. But, maybe its a place the locals know about.

My jobs in Hillsdale ended the third week in December so I was free to move up to Detroit and get my stuff out of Anne's way. My lease on my apartment was signed over and Metzger took over my phone, so all the practicals got sorted.

I moved in with the Slaters for the next few weeks, ran around buying aspirin, bug spray, more books, hiking boots and other such things. I spent two solid days working on my paper for Burke so I could graduate and guess what... I finished it! I spoke with him today and he said the grade should be in sometime this week. Congrats to me! Stephen and I also spent so quality time arguing, evangelicalism and sacramentalism on our long drive to Cincinnati and back to drop off his friend Mug. I managed to make it up to the UP for Slater family Christmas as well. I covered a lot of miles over the holidays.

Lets see... How do I characterize the Slater experience. I entered a cabin surrounded my snow, overlooking a frozen lake, and discovered that they were playing a game called 'how many people and how much stuff can we cram into a small space.' I still don't know if I met everyone there. I can't tell you who goes with who and names is quite impossible. But luckily the place cleared out by the next afternoon so I had a chance to visit with just a few people, 15 instead of 35. I got to know Steve's Uncle Merry who is a doctor. He was very helpful with info on necessary medications for the field. He gave me all the ins and outs of malaria medication and hooked me up with some left overs. All the different meds have their draw backs: one makes you susceptible to sun burns and can give women candida, the other causes mental instability, nightmares, depression, and even hallucination (I know, Luke, sounds cool, but I don't need a mental break down in a third world country. I would rather have one in America where there are people to baby me.) The last option is a great drug, really effective and it costs a fortune. The pills cost $4 a piece and taking one a day would make my poop more expensive then it has ever been before. So I am going for the one that gives sun burns. Along with medical talk concerning my own needs I got to see slides of major trauma cases and major surgeries in Africa. Wow... I am still too much of a prude to describe some of the problems that men over there suffer from but guys, be glad you go to your annual physicals. The alternative is MUCH worse.

Christmas eve and day were actually spent down in Detroit with Stephens immediate fam. It was fun to watch another family spend the day leisurely opening presents, taking breaks to eat, and returning to the pile. I have most often been kind of scrooge-like about Christmas, and I think that when I have my own family I will probably keep it to a very small affair, but there were some things that I liked about it. I especially appreciated the several, very useful presents that I got. A beautiful journal (which is where I have been writing lately), a HUGE suitcase, and several excellent books. I have started reading Gresham Sholem's definitive work on Jewish Mysticism and I have browsed through the others. I got Buber's book I and Thou, an American anthology of 20th century poetry, an introduction to Barthian theology, and several others.

speaking of books. I have managed in the last month to buy books at used book stores in Toronto, Detroit, Cincinnati, and Dartmouth England. I was only supposed to take a dozen or so books with me but I have managed to fill an entire suitcase. Oh well... take out the cloths and throw in more books. One of my favorite purchases I made with Stephen. We found a copy of Caputo's book "Prayers and Tears of Derrida" (new not used) and since we had a gift certificate we bought it. But there was only one in the store. So... we cut it in half. I have to first three sections and he has the last three. We rebound it with clear duck tape (another great use for the mater of all tapes). We are each reading our sections and then we will switch halves. At some point we hope we will be able to tape the two halves of the book back together. However, I am not reading Caputo at the moment. I've been studying an introduction to the Old Testament, in preparation for Bible studies, and I am reading Graham Green's Monsignor Quijote.

Oh... I should have said this earlier. I am not in Uganda yet. I leave on Tuesday. I have been, since the 11th in England. I spent a week in North London, then met up with a friend from Oxford days (Nicki) and went to say at her aunts flat in Dartmouth. That is Devon area, near the ocean. Its a small town at the mouth of a river. It sports two castles and a navy college along with a great number a pubs, houses almost stacked on top of each other due to the steep hills, mild weather, cobblestone streets and a beautiful old church (1300's) which managed to save its rood screen from the zealous reformers of an earlier age. The church is one that I visited when I was 16 and on my first trip to England. I never expected that I would be attending mass there 7 years later. The service was at 8 am last Sunday, my first Anglican service in England, but it took a vast amount of discipline to get out of bed after visiting the pub the night before. I will have to recount the story of that experience later. Talking to the priest after the service I managed to really confuse the guy. I told him I was worshiping with continuing Anglicans in the states, which made the other priest, a female, laugh. Then I asked him a question about the liturgy and I referred to the words of Jesus in Mark and he asked me if I was a fundamentalist. Then I told him that my background was evangelical. So, we had a nice chat about my own plans and my spiritual journey and the state of the church. We left on friendly terms with the woman priest encouraging me to study in Oxford where she got her ordination.
But that doesn't end my encounters with that church. Nicki and I took a taxi, costing £25 to the train station in a near by city. (Just so you all know the $ is doing really crappy right now. Its about $1.80 to every £1.) When we got there I realized that my $10 purse was sitting under the pew at church. It wouldn't have been worth going back for except that it had my passport, my visa to get into Uganda, all my other assorted ID, all the cash I had left, and my bank cards. So the taxdriverer phoned up his wife, she when to the church and collected my purse and brought it to me. My purse is now worth almost $50. That's how much I had to pay the driver to bring it to me.

Well... I have decided that this up date will have to be in parts. I am wiped out with typing. So... this is the end of part one. I will try to make sure the nest part is a bit more interesting, not just narrative in style.

I miss all you guys in Hillsdale, especially Dan, Hugger, and Luke. Don't drink too much or smoke too much, though I have no idea what too much is. It's ruff out here in the real world with no one to talk to.

I am looking forward to finally settling down in Uganda. It will be nice to have something worthwhile to do. Something to get out of bed for, other people depending on me. Holiday's are nice but this one is getting tedious.

Catch you all latter...

Went into London today. Nicki and I got some of my papers off my computer that I left at the Delehaye's house so I can work on my application for the next two days while she is at work. So we road trains, buses, underground, and in the car. we were probably traveling for 5 hours today. And that was just so we could get arround London and in and out of the city. The trafic is terrible. We went to Covent Garden, a beatiful old market square with little shops and cafes. they have street musicians and performers and the opera house and lots of broadway show houses are near by. We had coffee and a stuffed baked potatoe while we sat and listened to an opera singer. I only thought of recording her for you onton the tape after she had stoped. We were there for twilight and the sky and shadows were enchanting. I was able to give a bum a cigerette and when he handed the lighter back to me he took my hand and sqeezed it. He reminded me of my uncle john, he was about that age and attractive like him. His face has stuck with me.

On our way to north Londond to get me papers we missed our stop because we were reading the Four Quartets.

We walked down Oxford Street, the shop district of down town and watched a small group of Harri Krishna peaple march down the street dancing, playing cimbles, and singing indian stile music. That was after we got preached at by a christian street speeker with a microphone asking us to try Jesus. I also got handed a pamphlet on being a real Jew. Well, actually he offered it to me but I said no thanks since people had been trying to hand me cupons and magazines all day. Then I saw the back of his shirt which said, Jews for Jesus, so I went back and asked him fot he paper. I justremebered it when I started writing this so I haven't read it yet.

Nicki and I had fun trying on hats at expencive stores. I bought a beautiful scarf off of a street vender that is big enough to be made into a long wrap skirt when I make it to Uganda. It looks rather indian in style and the guy gave it to me for less then he was asking because I didn't have enough cash on me.

I am going to do some reading before I turn in. ... I am looking forward to getting started on my own work now. I have had a nice time of rest and play but I want to get to work in Uganda so that I have some reason to be pushing myself and expanding myself again. I have been reading some, but you know how much better I work when there is a fire under me.